


Love Language

by dicedclaim, Duck_Newton



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Attempted Slowburn, M/M, Previous Romance, Sapnap is sad, Self Loathing, dream is angsty, dream is insecure, long distance "friends", sapnap deserves good things, sapnap is insecure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:42:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27808531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dicedclaim/pseuds/dicedclaim, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duck_Newton/pseuds/Duck_Newton
Summary: He clicked on the linkSpeak your love language to meI understand just what you needNo one can hear it like me, like meSomething in the music made his heart speed up a little, he knew that it was probably just a song recommendation but he couldn’t help but melt at the thought of Sapnap sending it to him as a hint.He brushed his hand through his hairGod am I fucked
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 264





	1. Unbearable Heat

**Author's Note:**

> this is my second fic attempt on this account, I really hope that I actually keep updating this one. it did take me like.... two weeks to write the first chapter soooo....
> 
> if any cc's involved say they're uncomfortable I'll discontinue writing, until then I'm gonna keep going wild.

Ever since sapnap had visited the summer before they hadn’t been as close. Dream knew exactly why, he knew that he had hurt his best friend. It was one of the things that kept him up at night. 

Recently their conversations had been getting back to normal, but that normal scared Dream. That normal was the same normal that got his fingers tangled in his friends soft brown hair, running his thumb delicately across the others jaw. The distance closing between the two, the room becoming infinitely warmer than it had previously been, the air nervous and stifling. 

Dream shook the thought from his head and spoke up in the call,

“I’ll be back” he stated, interrupting the conversation George and Sapnap were having. 

“Okay.” George’s voice trailed off as dream removed his headphones and placed them on the desk.

“This god damned heat is making me think weird” he groaned, grabbing his class from beside his keyboard and making his way to the safety of his bathroom.

He opened the tap, letting the water run for a moment to let it get cold. He cupped his hands together and looked at his silhouette in the reflection. His eyes were drawn to his own lips, the same lips that had been pressed against his friends. He thrust the handful of cold water into his face, hoping it would shock some sense into him.

He gasped a little as the cold water hit his face, his hands moving to grab either side of the small sink. His eyes wandered up to the mirror, where he met his own gaze. What a sight he was, panicked sweat mixed with water droplets that now clung to every hair on his face. He had come to terms long ago that he wasn’t the right person for Sapnap, that his friend would never think about Dream the same way Dream thought about him.

He let his hands fill with water again, splashing it onto his face once more. He needed to regain his composure, the only stable thing in his life being the sink that he desperately clung to. He could no longer meet his own gaze, the neckline of his shirt now soaked, his sanity no better than it was when he left. 

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket, it was a text from Sapnap

 _‘You good?’_ It read, Dream stared at it for a while before responding

 _‘Yeah, why?’_ He sent, watching as his friend started to type almost immediately. The way he and Sapnap talked wasn’t anywhere near what it used to be, but it still made him feel special.

_‘You’ve been gone for like 15 minutes dude’_

He reread the text, surely it hadn’t been that long, right? He looked up at the time. It had been. He typed a response

_‘Sorry, the heat must be getting to me’_

He sent the message as he sat back down in his chair, he wasn’t all there still. Distracted still by the thoughts of last summer. 

“Hey guys,” he greeted, 

“Look who finally decided to come back, what, did you decide to go to your parents house to get a glass of water?” Sapnap asked, his tone playful but cutting.

Dream couldn’t help but laugh, Sapnaps humour always got to him.

“No, it’s just the heat, all I want to do is sit in front of the AC” he said, only half joking. He was all too aware of the sweat that seemed to plague him.

“It can’t be that bad, you’re just a baby” George teased.

“You wouldn’t last a day in Florida George, you’d melt away.” Dream responded, almost challenging his friend.

“Yeah, Dream know all about the heat. Don’t you Dream?” Sapnap says in his normal chiding voice, but Dream can tell that there’s something more in it. The blonde falls silent for a moment, wondering if he’s talking about- no. 

He shakes the thought from his head, he was just joking around. Sapnap probably doesn’t even think about what happened last summer.

“Well you’re the only one that can say if he’s lying Sapnap, you went to visit last year didn’t you?” The lips leave George’s mouth so innocently, yet the chill that fills Dream’s body makes him feel as though it’s the middle of winter in the arctic circle.

“...yeah I did” Sapnap says, almost too quiet for the microphone to pick it up. He quickly covers it up with

“I think I’m going to end stream, I’ll talk to you guys later” and promptly leaves the call.

“What was that about?” George asks, it’s just him and Dream now, it was safe to ask.

“I don’t know” He lies through his teeth, and he’s a terrible liar. But George isn’t one to push, so he lets it go.

“Alright, I think I’m going to go to bed now. Goodnight Dream” George says, 

“Goodnight” he replies, and when the call ends he’s left by himself, and is consumed by the heat once again.

He takes his headphones off again, the movements slow and robotic. He drags himself from his chair to his bed, and begins mindlessly scrolling through twitter. The internet is going crazy, everyone wants to know what happened between them. He shuts his phone off and runs his hands through his damp hair. 

There’s a pit in his stomach he just can’t shake, he autopilots and before he knows it he’s dialed a number all too familiar. 

“Hello?” Sapnap’s voice answers, the sound of his voice already lifting the weight off of Dream’s chest. Dream must have forgotten to speak, as Sapnap lets out another “Hello? Dream? You there?”

“Sorry, I- I don’t actually know why I called.” He admitted, but he did know _I wanted to hear your voice._

“Is something wrong? You never call me unless it’s with George.” Sapnap said, the words unintentionally slicing Dream open

“I know, I’m sorry.” He apologizes before he can even think. he must have sounded wounded because Sapnap responded with a meek

“S’okay, You must be busy nowadays.” Sapnap’s voice doesn’t sound quite angry, more disappointed. More longing.

“What, do you miss me?” If he didn’t sound so breathy maybe he could have passed it off as teasing, but Dream’s heart felt as though it could pound out of his chest.

“Hah, you wish.” Sapnap replied, as though he didn’t even notice the tone of Dream’s voice.

“Maybe I do.” _Why did I say that_ Dream scolded himself mentally.

“Sure you do. So is there any reason you called me or did you just want to fuel your ego?” Sapnap responded, he sounded like he was getting short with Dream.

“Actually yeah, I wanted to see if you were okay, George seemed to strike a chord with you there.” he said, prodding for Sapnap to open up.

“You seriously- Nevermind, it’s nothing, I was just tired of streaming” He said, his tone shifting to a much angrier one. 

Dream’s heart sank, _was Sapnap still angry about last summer?_

“Are you still angry about last s-” Dream started before he got cut off

“I said it’s nothing, I’m going to bed.” Sapnap injected, promptly hanging up.

Dream let his arm fall to his side, the call ended screen illuminating his room with a dim light. 

_It’s too hot in here_ was the only thought he could manage to think

\---

Dream opened his eyes, he was sitting on the edge of his bed. The room was dimly illuminated by the streetlamp outside. He looked closer, realizing that his walls were the wrong colour. This was his room at his parents house. A chill filled his body, he suddenly knew exactly where he was.

He almost jumped as someone gently rested their head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry you and her didn’t work out” Sapnap sighed a little “I think you deserve better anyways”

“Maybe I should stop dating girls” Dream replied, he wasn’t in control of this, he was simply watching what had already happened.

“Yeah, maybe you should.” Sapnap laughed, Dream could feel the laughter as Sapnap shifted against him. “Maybe you should date me.” 

Dream couldn’t stop himself from laughing

“Maybe I should” He said, goofily lacing his fingers with Sapnaps.

Sapnap looked up at him, his tone hesitant and nervous

“I’m serious.”

“You are not.” he said, poking Sapnap’s side.

“I am, I swear on jah!” Sapnap said, his tone defensive.

“Prove it then” Dream challenged him

“Kiss me Dream.” he said, his tone almost joking. Dream let out a soft chuckle

“Won’t even call me by my name, I’m calling bullshit.”

Sapnap lifted his free hand to gently turn Dreams head to face him. The motion was so simple yet it filled Dreams stomach with butterflies. For a moment Green eyes stared deeply into Brown.

“Kiss me Clay.” Sapnap said, his voice quivering slightly as he spoke.

Suddenly the room was freezing, and where Sapnap had touched him was on fire. Dream needed to be warmed up. The distance between the two closed. Dream let a hand run through Sapnap’s hair, the other gently caressing his cheek. 

_Why do I keep remembering this_ he thought to himself, _did it mean that much?_

His attention was drawn back to the Dream as something changed. Hands were now wandering where they hadn’t before, the heat was covering his whole body as Sapnap ran his hands wherever his mind could think of.

Dream gently Pushed the other back, breaking the kiss as he did so. His breath was heavy as he now looked down into those mesmerizing brown eyes. Sapnaps hand trailed down Dream's stomach and…

Dream shot up panting, he looked around his room. He was back. His brow was covered in a thick layer of sweat. _Why did it change, it’s never changed before._ He was wracking his brain trying to figure out what was different. _Why am I thinking like this about my best friend? I can’t do this. He doesn’t feel like that. It was just a joke._ He thought, draping his legs over the side of his bed. He noticed something in his boxers, and a feeling of disgust filled his chest.

He haphazardly grabbed the towel off the back of his door and made his way to the bathroom. A cold shower would solve this. Patches meowed at him as he ignored her.

He placed his phone on the counter and feverishly got into the shower, not touching the warm water at all. The cold water pelted his skin for a while. _Why would he even make a joke like that? He’s obviously disgusted at me for what I did._ He let the water run over his face. He could never love me. 

He was dragged out of his Self-Loathing Shower as he heard his phone violently buzz on the counter, it wasn’t ringing. Rather someone was spam texting him. He groaned and opened the shower curtain, not particularly caring as the water dripped onto his phone. The screen illuminated with Sapnaps spam of snapchat messages, as he picked it up to check the texts it began to ring in his hand.

“Why the hell is he trying to facetime me right now?” he groaned as he declined the call. This action was immediately met with a text 

_‘Dude, you’re supposed to be here for this event. Did you sleep in?’_ the message read

 _Oh shit._ He had completely forgotten about whatever he was supposed to do, in his panic stricken state he couldn’t even remember was he was late for. Did he forget to set his alarm for it? He didn’t even bother responding to Sapnap and rushed out of the shower. He made it into his room, the towel around his waist barely surviving the trip.

He rustled through the pile of clothes and threw on a pair of baggy sweats. He sat in his chair and pulled his headphones onto his damp hair. His foot tapped the floor impatiently as he booted up his pc, feverishly typing in his password.

He scrolled through his discord channels, trying to see where everyone was situated. He saw George and Sapnap in a voice channel together and clicked on it to join.

The sound of him joining was cut off by Sapnap and George cackling.

“I told you it would work Sapnap” George said between giggles

“I didn’t think it would work that fast” Sapnap said, the light from his laughter still present in his voice.

“...I’m not late for anything am I?” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose

“Nothing except Sapnap’s stream” George laughed

“He was probably watching the whole time, he just doesn’t want to admit it” Sapnap said, his tone flirtatious.

“I literally just got out of the shower-” Dream said, trying to defend himself

“Watching Sapnap’s stream in the shower? I don’t know if you should say that on stream Dream” George teased

Dream felt his face heat up, he covered his mouth with the back of his hand for a moment thinking about the scenario. He caught himself quickly, knowing that his pause would only be more suspicious.

“Oh shut up, you know that’s not what I meant” Dream retorted, forcing one of his signature laughs. It was less for his friends and more for the viewers. He could tell that the two didn’t buy it for a second.

“Sure Dream” Sapnap laughed it off “You can deny all you want but we all know that you think about me in the shower, and when you can’t sleep at night and you-”

“SAPNAP OH MY GOD” Dream almost shrieked, in his playful tone. His face was beet red, he couldn’t help but laugh. Sapnaps words fluttered like the wings of a thousand butterflies deep in his stomach. He couldn’t stop himself from pulling up Sapnap’s stream on this second monitor, he had his facecam on today.

“Oh wow, you actually made your bed for once, what’s the occasion?” Dream asked, poking fun at his friends messy habits.

“Are you watching my stream right now? Simp.” Sapnap laughed “I just felt like making it today.”

“Trying to impress someone? Is someone special watching?” Dream teased “you haven’t made your bed since your Love or Host” he wheezed a little, then it hit him. What if Sapnap was trying to impress someone? Someone that wasn’t him.

“Maybe I am, so what?” Sapnap responded, Dream watched his expression shift on stream. He had said something to upset him. Shit.

“Nothing, it’s good, you should make it more often” he forced a laugh, watching Sapnap’s expression anxiously. His laughter was not put to waste as he watched his friends expression lighten a little. He could almost see a tinge of red on the others cheeks, he must’ve been imagining that. There’s no way Dream could make him blush.

The rest of the stream was uneventful for the most part, it wasn’t too long before the sun came up and Dream began to complain about the heat once more.

“I can’t tell if my hair is taking a long time to dry or if it’s so hot in here my sweat is making it wet” Dream groaned

“Dream all hot and bothered? Pics or it didn’t happen” Sapnap laughed, Bad shrieked

“Sapnap! What the heck you muffinhead! That’s so weird!” 

Dream chuckled. 

“Only for you Sapnap” he said, trying to contain his laughter. 

He pulled out his phone and turned the ringer on. He pulled his hair back with one hand and offered an awkward smile to the camera. He made sure his phone was positioned right next to the microphone as he took the picture so that everyone in the call could hear it.

“You didn’t” Bad said, the disappointment in his voice evident

“I did” Dream laughed, “for Sapnap’s eyes only” he said, barely containing his giggles. He sent the image, and watched as Sapnap’s face changed as he received the notification.

“No way Dream, you didn’t just send me what I think you sent me.” Sapnap said, a mischievous smile spreading across his face.

Sapnap dramatically pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened the snap, contorting his face to a look of fake disgust. 

“Oh my god Dream why did you send me a dick pic” Sapnap half yelled

“Language! Dream what the heck!” Bad shrieked

“I did not Sapnap you liar!” Dream yelled, his face beet red, “chat calm down it’s just a picture of my face”

“That’s not what it looks like” Sapnap laughed, putting his phone down, not able to contain his laughter.

“I’m getting you back for that, just you wait” Dream said, grinning as he spoke. Sapnap’s expression on stream shifted a little but returned to normal shortly after.

“Sure you will Dream.”

—-

Dream settled into his mattress, the heat of the afternoon having subsided. Sapnap’s stream hadn’t lasted more than a couple hours but they had all hung out in a voice call afterwards, joking around like friends.

His phone buzzed in the sheets beside him, he picked it up and checked to see what the notification was. It was a spotify link from Sapnap, which made him smile a little. Things were starting to get back to normal after what had happened the day before.

 _‘Thought you’d like this song’_ the message read, 

“Love Language?” Dream muttered a little, “I’ve never listened to Crooked Colours, but I might as well.” He hummed a little as he put his headphones in.

He clicked on the link

_Speak your love language to me_

_I understand just what you need_

_No one can hear it like me, like me_

Something in the music made his heart speed up a little, he knew that it was probably just a song recommendation but he couldn’t help but melt at the thought of Sapnap sending it to him as a hint. 

He brushed his hand through his hair

_God am I fucked_


	2. Mind Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap let out a frustrated sigh. He had let his temper go again. He didn’t know why, but Dream always knew how to get under his skin. He squeezed his phone in his hand, fighting the urge to throw it against the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to my friend that proof reads all my chapters, I feel so bad for him  
> rip Duck_Newton

Dream had been avoiding Sapnap for a couple days. Ignoring the problem made it go away right? Wrong. He always found himself watching his friends stream anyways. His friends had been asking him to join their games all week, but he kept telling them he wasn’t feeling well. Which turned out to be not entirely false, he actually was sick. It made his voice hoarse and he wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk while his throat was so sore. 

He was watching Sapnap’s stream right now, some warm tea with honey on one side of his keyboard. He had a blanket draped around his shoulders, he wasn’t cold, he just wanted to feel the comfort. Sapnap was chasing George around the smp, and when George shouted 

“Someone distract him!”

Over the stream, Dream had a genius idea.

He picked up his phone and dialed Sapnap’s number, holding it up to his ear and watching as his friends expression changed on stream. 

“One sec, Dream’s calling me” He said, putting his phone up to his ear

“Hi Sapnap” Dream rasped out

“You sound awful, weren’t kidding about feeling sick huh?” Sapnap chuckled a little,

“No, I wish I was” Dream laughed a little, which turned into a coughing fit, followed by groans “This is awful”

“Are you dying? It sounds like you’re dying.” Sapnap said, leaning back in his chair.

Dream’s plan was going wonderfully.

“Dying without you maybe” He said, in as flirtatious a tone as he could muster.

“Shut up” Sapnap said, most may not have noticed but Dream noticed his cheeks go a little pink. 

“Hang up on me then, I’m not forcing you to be here.” He said, in a coy tone.

When Sapnap made no response he couldn’t help but smirk to himself. 

“That’s what I thought” He huffed through his nose a little, not wanting to laugh again for fear of hurting his throat more. He was savouring every minute of this, he had missed talking to Sapnap. But this was exactly why he needed to keep his distance. He couldn’t help but flirt with him. They flirted with each other all the time but if Sapnap found out that he meant it, it would ruin him. 

“What did you even call for?” Sapnap asked, apparently nearing the end of his fuse

“To distract you, did it work?” Dream smiled, as he watched his friends expression shift on stream.

“You jerk!” Sapnap yelled, the echo of his voice from the stream playback was met with the call ended tone.

Dream couldn’t help but laugh fully as he watched Sapnap look around in the world for George,

“Thank you Dream!” George’s voice rang through the stream.

Dream felt like this was good enough to have gotten back at Sapnap for what he had done. He took his phone out and typed a simple message

_“got you”_ He hit send, and chuckled as his friend left him on read.

After a few moments he watched the three dots show up

_“hurry up and get better so I can be mad at you”_ the message read. The simple words made dream’s heart flutter, maybe Sapnap really did miss him. 

He snapped a picture of his mug, captioning it _“miss you too”_

Left on read. As expected.

Dream continued to watch the stream, almost like he was in a daze. He knew he shouldn’t, he needed to get used to not needing to talk to Sapnap. But he couldn’t get him off his mind. 

Dream’s eyes started to feel heavy, he was probably expending too much energy for someone who should be resting. He hardly even noticed Sapnap’s voice get quieter as he drifted off.

—-

Dream’s eyes opened slowly, his neck was sore from falling asleep in his chair. Sapnap’s stream had ended, and he wasn’t sure who he was watching now. He closed the window and opened up his discord, scrolling through his messages. Plenty of “get well soon’s” from friends and fans alike. It made his heart warm.

Aside from the pain in his neck, he had slept fantastically. It almost embarrassed him that he had fallen asleep to Sapnap’s stream, it made him feel like he was in middle school again. That sort of puppy love warmth filled his heart at the thought. 

Maybe he could indulge himself a little, they all flirted with each other anyways. What was the difference if he really meant it? The others probably wouldn’t even notice.

He stood up from his chair and stretched, joints cracking that normally wouldn’t. His body was really going to hate him in a few hours. He unlocked his phone and scrolled through his messages with Sapnap. Rereading them still made his heart feel warm, and he was almost able to forget about how awful he felt.

He made his way to the bathroom, he hadn’t showered yet and hoped it would help him feel better. As he walked in he looked at himself in the mirror, he truly looked horrid today. His hair was dirty, and in a state of disarray. His face was flushed from his newfound fever. He sighed and examined the bags under his eyes.

No way was anyone, especially Sapnap, going to be attracted to someone that looked like this. He sighed and backed up against the cool wall, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. He needed to start taking better care of himself, that’s probably how he got sick in the first place.

He needed to stop thinking about it. About _him._

He got into the shower and let the cool water run through his hair. Effectively blinding himself momentarily. The water felt nice on his warm skin, almost returning him to his normal state. His cheeks quickly warmed up the water that lay stagnant on his skin. Returning him to his feverish reality. He was really regretting not finishing that tea earlier.

He should flirt with Sapnap, then he would reject him. Then Dream could finally get over it. He could wake up, and realize that this whole situation was just a joke that he hadn’t understood. Sapnap would never actually like him, it was just a joke… a sick cruel joke.

He hadn’t even realized that he was crying, his mind too busy with all the theoreticals. He slid down into the tub, letting the water run over his now crumpled body. Everything that he had been bottling up seemed to find a way out in this moment. He pointlessly wiped the tears away, knowing that no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop them.

Even if it was a joke- which it was- why did it hurt so bad? Dream knew it was a joke, he knew that there was never anything more than surface level. So why did his chest feel so tight as he let out quiet sobs thinking about his feelings for his best friend? Why did he keep having that dream? Why did Sapnap occupy every free thought? It wasn’t right. Why couldn’t he just get it through his thick skull?

He was pulled out of his thoughts by his aggressive ringtone. He clumsily turned the shower off, the water coming to an almost abrupt stop. He pulled himself to the side of the tub, reaching up to grab his phone to see who was calling. He picked up his phone, trying to see who was calling him. He should have dried his hands before grabbing his phone, as it slipped right out of his hands and slid around the tub.

He cringed as his phone hit the ceramic, but that feeling paled in comparison to the emotion he felt when he heard Sapnap’s voice come through the speaker on his phone. He wasn’t ready to talk to anyone, especially Sapnap at the moment. 

He had no choice now. He took a deep breath before picking the phone back up, holding it gingerly to his ear.

“Hey, sorry I dropped my phone” Dream said, trying his best to sound normal.

“It’s okay, I was just calling because you hadn’t responded to any messages. Worried that you might’ve actually died for a second” Sapnap responded with a small snort.

“Sorry, I sort of fell asleep.” Dream said. it was true, he had only just woken up. 

“What, did you fall asleep to my stream? Simp.” Sapnap laughed

Dream forced out a weak laugh. He didn’t know right?

“What? No! I don’t know, I’m sick!” he fake whined, he wouldn’t be caught dead admitting that he had fallen asleep to his friends stream.

“Are you okay? You sound off right now dude.” Sapnap said, shifting around.

“Yeah, I’m okay” Dream responded, too quickly. He panicked. “My throat’s just sore, that’s all” 

“Oh, okay. Did you want me to let you rest?” Sapnap asked, the concern apparent in his voice.

Dream was quiet for a moment, wrestling with his own self-doubt.

“No, I like talking to you.” The words slipped out of his mouth against his better judgement. _shit._

Sapnap laughed 

“I like talking to you too, but you should focus on getting better so I can get back at you for today.” he said, he was a bit of a softie off stream. A soft laugh echoed through the phone “you probably need the rest anyways.”

“What if I don’t want you to go?” Dream asked, _why did I say that?_

The line went silent for a few moments

_I ruined it, I made it weird. He must think I’m weird._

“Then I won’t go” the response was almost too quiet for Dream to hear. 

“What?” Dream asked, not believing his own ears.

A gentle warmth filled his chest, Sapnap would stay. Dream could stay talking to him for hours, he wanted nothing more than to fall asleep and wake up to Sapnap. Before he could enjoy the feeling, a wave of dread started to crawl into his chest _it’s just a joke. You know he doesn’t really feel like that. Don’t be stupid._

He went quiet, biting at his lip while the thoughts overtook him. _Sapnap could never love you._ The thought echoed through his head as he stared at the tile floor in front of him. He must’ve been silent for longer than he thought.

“Did you hear what I said?” Sapnap asked, he must’ve repeated himself when Dream was lost in thought.

“Sorry no-” Dream started, only to get cut off

“Nevermind. I have to go, I’ll talk to you later” Sapnap almost tripped over his words. He sounded a little flustered, and his temper always seemed to get the best of him in these situations.

“Wait, Sapnap that’s not-” Dream was once again cut off, this time by the harsh tone of the call ending.

_Why did I do that?_

He slumped over the side of the tub, and ran a hand through his wet hair. He gave it a soft tug, trying to bring himself back to reality. Trying to get a grip. He let out a frustrated sigh. This was all so confusing. He knew Sapnap didn’t feel the same, so why did it seem like he did?

_I made it weird. He’s going to catch on to the fact that I’m not joking around one day, and then I’m going to lose him for good._

The very thought of losing his best friend turned the silent tears into shaking sobs. His whole body shook with each breathless cry. His heart ached in a way he couldn’t quite understand. He needed to get over Sapnap, but he didn’t know how. Everything about him made Dream happy. His smile, the way his laugh lit up the room. The life in his eyes, those eyes that had seen so many things. His compassionate personality, his passion for his work. Everything about him was so warm, like a light in the dark. 

He was the thing that had been keeping Dream going lately, the thing he was working towards in his life. He truly felt like a moth drawn to a flame, but he was so unbelievably afraid of getting burned.

Dream was convinced that if he didn’t get over Sapnap that he would lose him for good. He was afraid that he would lose his flame, and his whole world would go dark. 

The sobs mixed with the dull beating of the water. A symphony of young sorrow.

\---

Sapnap let out a frustrated sigh. He had let his temper go again. He didn’t know why, but Dream always knew how to get under his skin. He squeezed his phone in his hand, fighting the urge to throw it against the wall.

He threw himself back against his bed, the lower portion of his legs still hanging off the edge. He was so tired. Tired of trying to figure out what Dream was thinking, Tired from streaming. You name it, this boy way exhausted.

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He felt like he needed to do something, to say something. He almost felt like he should apologize for losing his temper.

He grabbed his phone and curled onto his side. He tapped on Dream’s contact and typed a message out. He read it over two or three times. He could never send that. Not after what had happened last summer. 

Their encounter had happened on the last night of Sapnap’s visit, his flight had left early the next morning. The two boys barely spoke that morning, avoiding eye contact. The tricky question of what they meant to each other being avoided like the plague.

Sapnap desperately had wanted to ask Dream if he had really reciprocated, but he was too afraid. 

Dream’s silence in the days after had answered Sapnap’s question. It cut him deep, and he had been distant ever since. He had planned to stay that way, but in the last month or so Dream seemed to be flirting with him. Not in the way he usually did. It felt like there was more.

Sapnap shook the thought from his head, Dream didn’t feel the same way. He knew that much. If Dream cared about him he wouldn’t have gone radio silent after the kiss. He wouldn’t have taken Sapnap’s heart from his chest and crushed it under his boot.

The thoughts still made him bitter. Although perhaps bitter wasn’t the right word. He felt deflated. He could play as big as he wanted, but he was never bigger than this.

He traced his index finger across his lips, remembering the electricity he felt. 

He stared idly at the ceiling, his phone resting loosely in his hand.

_“What if I don’t want you to go?”_

What was that even supposed to mean? He hardly talked to Sapnap for months, and now all of a sudden he didn’t want him to hang up? He wanted Sapnap to stay with him?

The phone calls kept getting more confusing. Dream didn’t feel the same way. Why was he pretending? Did he really think that Sapnap was that revolting that he needed to make fun of him? To mock how he felt? Did he even know?

The questions plagued his mind as he shifted towards his pillows. He didn’t want to think about this. Everytime he thought about it he got closer and closer to sending that message. 

Would it really be that bad to send? 

If he sent the message, he could finally get a straight answer. He could finally get rejected and move on. He could let out everything that he had been bottling up for so long. He could finally let out all the hurt that Dream had given him.

What did he have to lose? 

His thumb hovered over the send button. He had to be bigger than his fear. This was the only way to get over Dream. This was the only way to feel better.  
He knew this much was true, and so he did it. 

_Why did I do that?_

\---

Dream set his phone down on his desk as he dried his hair, it was getting longer than he’d like. He let the towel fall down to his shoulders as he tied the string on his sweatpants. He hadn’t meant to make Sapnap upset.

He had let his heart out in the shower, he wasn’t sure what he was feeling anymore. As it turns out, crying your eyes out isn’t good for your voice. He gingerly touched his neck, and looked down at the forgotten cup of tea.

_I should probably get another one of those._

He picked up the cup and sighed, making his way to the kitchen. Patches weaved through his legs as he walked, almost causing him to fall. He crouched down and scratched her head.

“Hey girl, you hungry?” Dream asked, and patches mewed in response.

Dream looked at the clock on his microwave, he had completely forgotten the time. After he had fed Patches he started the kettle.

As he sat down he realized that he had forgotten his phone in his room. Some time away from it was probably good for him. He couldn’t help but watch patches as she ate, she was the only reason Dream had a normal sleep schedule.

The kettle started to whistle and he got up and opened the cabinet, grabbing a new mug for his tea. He put his old mug in the sink, dumping out the remains of his forgotten drink. There were probably some other dishes in his room that he should take out. But he’d worry about that later.

After he had made his tea he gave Patches another head scratch and headed back to his room. His thoughts were all over the place. He gently closed the door behind him and walked over to his desk. Just as he was about to pick his phone up it lit up with a message from Sapnap.

He looked over the message and his heart stopped for a moment.


	3. Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait! I kept getting distracted while writing this chapter. I moved out in the middle of writing this so it was a bit of a setback! I hope you enjoy this shorter chapter. thank you for all the support!

Sapnap skimmed over the text he had sent. It had been a rough day, Dream hadn’t responded to the message. It had been a day since Sapnap had sent it. He skimmed it again, he hadn’t said anything that should have made his friend upset. When he sent it all he thought was 

_The worst he could do is say no, right?_

He was wrong. He was so wrong. This was so much worse. It was like last summer all over again. The radio silence was killing him. He had been ignoring messages from others, he knew he was probably worrying some people but he just couldn’t bring himself to care about anything other than Dreams response. Which there was an apparent lack of. 

Sapnap sat at his desk, scrolling through streams. Karl was streaming. Until now Sapnap had never really interacted with the guy, but he figured he might as well do something other than obsess over the text he sent to Dream. 

He clicked on Karl’s stream and the screen was illuminated. Karl’s laugh rang through his headphones, the sound was like music to Sapnap’s ears. Karl’s laugh was uncensored and genuine, it reminded him of Dream before last summer. 

Sapnap sat back in his chair and just watched for a little bit, karl wasn’t doing anything particularly plot heavy, so it probably wouldn’t be too bad if Sapnap popped in for a little bit. Just to take his mind off of Dream. 

His mouse hesitated over the join vc button for a moment before he actually had the courage to click it.

“Karl what the honk are you doing?” He asked, obviously startling the other party.

On stream karl quickly muted and looked at the camera, he had just been caught stealing from Sapnap’s house. 

“Oh no guys, what should I tell him?” Karl asked, letting out another one of his signature laughs.

“Karl I’m literally watching your stream, I can see what you’re doing.” Sapnap said with a little chuckle

“Well then why would you ask you nimrod?” Karl asked

“That’s it, I’m getting on right now, and when I do you better be ready.” Sapnap laughed as he launched his minecraft client. It was almost robotic how he logged onto the smp, and as soon as he did karl let out a high pitched scream.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to, I promise I’ll put it back.” Karl said, the faux panic evident in his voice.

“It’s too late for that Karl, the time for that has definitely passed” Sapnap said, loading his crossbow in game

“Are you sure? I could repay you with something else!” Karl said, apparently not realizing how it sounded

Sapnap burst out laughing, his stomach almost began to hurt.

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Sapnap asked, following Karl’s character that was bouncing around the screen

“A kiss!” Karl said, his face lighting up on stream, his character in game crouched as he walked closer to Sapnap

“Well… I mean that would be plenty of payment.” Sapnap snorted a little as he finished his line, _payment? What is this._

Sapnap crouched in game and their two characters touched faces, giving the illusion of a kiss. The two made silly kissing noises to go along with it, both of them hardly being able to contain their laughter. 

Something in Sapnaps heart felt a little better, he felt like maybe he didn’t need Dream to see him the same way, maybe it was time for him to move on.

Sapnap and Karl spent all stream together, and even now about an hour after Karl had ended his stream the two were still talking and laughing together. Sapnap had no idea why he hadn’t started talking to Karl earlier, the two got along so well. Sapnap had completely forgotten about the message he sent to Dream. Karl was exactly the distraction he needed.

Thinking that felt so bad, but he didn’t mean it in a malicious way. Sapnap just needed someone to be around that didn’t remind him of Dream. Someone he could flirt with in a silly way, in a way that didn’t mean anything. He was so tired of trying to figure out what Dream meant all the time, and Karl was a nice break.

Karl said almost exactly what he was thinking, which while abrasive to some he found charming. 

“I think I’m gonna head out for now Karl, we should talk again some time cutie.” Sapnap said, he hadn’t even heard Dream join the voice channel, and before he could say anything else, Dream had disconnected.

“What the honk was that?” Karl laughed “I’ll see you later Sap! Stay safe.”

Sapnap disconnected from the call, wondering if what he said had made Dream leave, or if it was just a misclick.

\---

Dream noticed that Sapnap and Karl were still in the voice call, he wanted to pop in and see what they were talking about. Dream still wasn’t sure if Sapnap’s text last night had been serious, it felt like he was playing a bit. It hurt a little bit if he was honest, he didn’t think that he had let on that he had feelings for Sapnap. But for him to send that message mocking him was too much, even if it was a joke. 

He clicked on the voice call just in time to hear Sapnap’s parting words to Karl. _cutie_

Something in Dream's chest started to burn, and he left the voice channel before he could even let himself talk.

 _I knew it_ he said, leaning back into his chair and letting his head fall. _I knew he was just fucking with me_

The burn was replaced with an ache as he made the realization. He couldn’t help but start crying again. He was hoping that maybe, just maybe Sapnap had been serious. He was hoping that maybe they could be something. But now he knew that it was just a cruel joke.

A message popped up on his screen, it was from George.

_‘wanna vc?’_

Before he even had a chance to respond the screen lit up with an incoming call. Maybe he needed to talk to someone. He accepted the call

“Hey George.” He said, the tears where still rolling down his face, and he definitely still sounded like he was crying

“Are you okay?” was the first thing that came out of George’s mouth, it was genuine. It wasn’t in his usual joking voice, he was worried.

Dream thought for a moment, he bit his lip a little before responding.

“No, I’m not.” He said, those words released everything that he was feeling. His body shook with sobs, he almost forgot that he was on call with George.

“What happened? Do you want to talk about it?” George asked, his tone was cautious. He didn’t want to intrude if he wasn’t meant to.

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to put anything on you.” Dream said, wiping tears from his eyes. 

“It’s okay, you’re my friend, I’m supposed to be there for you” George said, his heart ached for Dream. He had never heard his friend sound so heartbroken.

Dream didn’t know what it was about George that made him feel so at ease, but he let it out- he didn’t spare any details. The two sat there for a couple hours, just talking about everything. Dream’s chest felt so much lighter, he felt like he didn’t have to feel so alone anymore.

“So, you think he’s just doing this to mess with you? That would be pretty messed up” George said

“I mean, that’s what it looks like, did you see the way he was talking to Karl?” Dream said, his voice tired and defeated.

“I don’t think that’s how he feels, but if it is then he doesn’t deserve you.” George said, almost absentmindedly. 

Dream could hear the clacking of George’s keyboard, how was it that he was always coding? Those words echoed around Dream’s body for a while afterwards.

“What do you mean?” Dream managed out finally, he had tried to make sense of it himself but George was notoriously hard to read.

“I mean that you deserve to feel loved Dream. If he’s flirting with you as a joke then he doesn’t deserve you.” George said, a couple more keystrokes in the background. George sighed, his microphone picked it up.

Dream couldn’t help but ask.

“So…. What’re you working on?” Dream asked, his voice lightening for a moment.

“Nice subject avoidance nimrod. I’m working on the code for a shock collar stream.” George said.

“A shock collar? Are you going to wear it?” Dream asked incredulously, he must have sounded a little too breathless because George countered with a flustered tone.

“I’m only doing it because someone sent it to me, don’t get any weird ideas Dream.” He said, leaning back in his chair. Dream assumed he was probably pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Why would I get any weird ideas George? Get your mind out of the gutter… unless you like that sort of thing?” Dream teased, earning a distraught groan from George

“You did not just say that, why would I have a thing for collars? You’re so weird.” George said, the clacking continuing not long after.

“I never specified collars in general, you blundered George.” He said, wheezing a little as he laughed.

“I’m going to hang up Dream.” George said, a slight shake in his voice. He was bluffing. He was bluffing and Dream could tell. Dream smiled

“No you won’t” He said, almost as a challenge. There’s nothing wrong with having a little fun right? Sapnap had really messed him up, so wasn’t he allowed to just relax with George? It’s not like George felt any way about him, so Dream didn’t have to feel guilty about it.

George muttered something quietly, too quiet for Dream to hear.

“You should talk to Sapnap about that message, he probably didn’t mean to upset you with it. I think he meant the opposite actually.” George said, trying desperately to change the topic. 

He was trying to keep his mind off of Sapnap. This was a conversation that he really wasn’t ready to have with him yet. He wasn’t ready for the laughter that would wound him more than he thought it would. Dream couldn’t stop thinking about how Sapnap had called Karl _cutie_ . 

Something deep within him was hurting. Like a wounded animal that had been backed into a corner, and just like a cornered animal he was ready to lash out. He shook his head. 

“You’re right George, I think I’m going to. Thanks for today” he said, his tone earnest.

“No problem Dream.” George sounded satisfied, that was Dream’s cue to leave. 

After the screen had gone still, Dream's mind began to wander. He had figured out that he was hurt, but there was still a feeling in his chest that he couldn’t quite pin down. The word played once more through his head, and he figured it out. This was _jealousy_

\---

Sapnap pulled his hair back in the mirror, it was getting way too long for his liking. He swept back a few more loose strands and tied his hair back securely with a ponytail. 

His dad walked past the door, stopping for a second, looking at his son.

“Quit putting your hair up like that, it makes you look like a sissy. I’m not having a sissy for a son.” He said, reaching for Sapnap’s hair

It took everything in Sapnap’s body to keep from flinching. He winced a little as his father curled his fingers into the small elastic and tugged it out of his hair. 

“You should go get a haircut, then maybe you’d get a girlfriend.” He grumbled.

Sapnap had tried to come out to his dad once. That ended up with him couch hopping for a week and having to buy a new monitor. 

He turned back to himself in the mirror, his dark hair now falling into his face.

He leaned into the sink to get a better look at himself in the mirror. 

Had his eyebags always been this pronounced? 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of his phone buzzing on the ceramic sink.

Dream.

Dream was calling him. 

His heart rate must have skyrocketed, as he could now feel his heart beating through his entire body. As quietly as he could, he closed the bathroom door, locking it with a small _click_.

Sapnap clicked accept, and pulled the phone up to his ear. He didn’t even realize he was holding his breath. Afraid that Dream would know he was there because of his breathing, and not because he had answered the call.

He heard Dream swallow on the other side before speaking.

“Nick? I think we need to talk”

Nick? Dream never called him Nick.


End file.
